They want love. But love scares them.

Published 19 days ago • 1 min read

LIFE DESIGNERS

MATUS HANIDZIAR

Most people assume avoidants don’t want relationships.
That they prefer to be alone.
That they don’t feel as deeply as you do.

Here’s the truth:

They do want love.

They just never learned how to feel safe in it.

Imagine being a child who reaches for comfort—and gets coldness.

Imagine being punished for needing anyone.

Imagine learning, again and again:

Closeness = pain.

What would you do?

You’d build walls.

You’d stop reaching out.

You’d tell yourself, “I’m better off on my own.”

Fast forward to adulthood, and this coping mechanism is still running in the background.

So when you start to get close, their instincts don’t say, lean in.

They scream: run.

Avoidants aren’t cold—they’re wired for protection.
And if you’ve ever been on the receiving end, it can feel brutal… unless you understand what’s really happening.

We’ll talk more soon about how to recognize the pattern without personalizing it.

Because it’s not about being unlovable.
It’s about being unprepared for love.

Matus

P.S. The Life Designers community is currently closed, but I’m building something special behind the scenes. If you want in when doors open, reply with “waitlist.”

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